Did you get a relationship handbook when you said “I do”? Likely not. And, if you did, please share!

Ironically, we are required to get a “marriage license” but there are no prerequisites, study guides or exams to pass before we commit to a long term partnership.

For the most part, learning how to be a great (or even ‘good enough’) partner comes from trial and error, and maybe even a little prayer. Many of us are just striving to be different than our parents or trying to improve upon the dysfunctional relationships that we’ve experienced in the past.

Because we don’t do a great job as a culture teaching relational intelligence, many of us struggle to navigate the emotional complexity of intimate relationships.

For the past two years, my colleague, Dr. Phylis Wakefield, and I have been publishing a short weekly email dedicated to helping people learn how to create thriving relationships by providing actionable and effective strategies.

We are passionate about what we teach because we know that when our relationships are thriving, everyone around us benefits – our kids, our families, our colleagues, our communities. Talk about a win-win.

Collectively, we have over 50 years of experience being married (Adam and I just celebrated 22 years, and Phylis and Andre are approaching their 30 year anniversary!) and we deeply understand the effort that a long-term, committed relationship demands.

While the work required to overcome the obstacles and gridlock in our relationships can be incredibly challenging, we stand by the tremendous benefits of making such investments – both from our own personal experience and from the couples that we have the privilege of supporting.

We are strong believers that the more resources you have, the better, so we’re sharing a concise round-up of our current favorite resources for couples:

• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert
• Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship
• Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
• Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship
• Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
• Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel (podcast)
• Foreplay Radio: Couples & Sex Therapy (podcast)

Contrary to popular belief, great relationships don’t just happen – they require nurturing, maintenance, repair, and tender, loving care. Even a little bit of work and intentionality can make a big difference in your relationship

Need some support navigating a difficult roadblock in your relationship, or just want to invest in some preventative work? Please don’t hesitate to reach out if I can support you in any way.